Day 1.1

I regularly look upon a blog a friend from college has, with another of her friends, called 'It's hideous I love it.' Quite frankly, I do love it. It's a whole mix of different articles from fashion to diy but with an added bit of quirk. Just my cup of tea. It really opened my eyes to 'what is fashion' and how it's defined. These girls are trendsetters, revolutionaries or at least, soon to be.

It got me thinking about my style and why I choose the clothes I wear nowadays. 

When I was younger I was really keen to follow an 'alternative' fashion route and would regularly try out different pieces and see how I felt. Many a time I felt comfortable, more like myself and this was at the age of 10. However, without naming names, there was a certain person who always made me feel silly, I guess. Uncomfortable. It wasn't necessarily meant in a cruel way but I definitely think it has changed my perception on what I can 'get away with' now. 

My mum had saved a dress from when she was younger and I tried it. I love it but decided it wasn't enough on it's own so teamed it with a black jumper and wore the dress on top. Now, that may not seem like the most alternative form of dress but, for me at the time, when all my friends were wearing Disney t-shirts and shorts, I felt happy with what I was wearing. (Don't get my wrong, I always wanted to be Princess Jasmine though.) I distinctly remember sitting in my parents bedroom, out the way as they had a dinner party, when one of the guests, namely my uncle popped his head round the door and said 'you look different Hannah' to which 'the person who must not be named' said 'it's just a faze.' I instantly changed what I was wearing. Embarrassed by the fact that my chosen outfit had been dismissed as something as trivial as a faze and I wasn't supported in expressing myself.

Another time, before the wonderful trouser-skirts were coming in to fashion, I created a stunning piece of jeans with a bright green, short skirt over the top for a day out in London. I tried it on, took it off, tried just jeans, tried just a skirt but in the end decided to be brave and go with how I felt and wore the two together. (In hindsight, this wasn't my best combination but at the time it made me feel good and that's all that matters!) I stepped out of the house to greet my friend's dad who was driving us, for him to say 'couldn't pick which one to wear today then?' I was mortified not only because of the giggling coming from behind me but also because someone else, not in the family, had the nerve to pretty much criticise my judgement. Needless to say from then on my tastes suddenly became quite bland.

These two instances may not seem completely awful but they really impacted me and my confidence. The way I viewed myself and my clothing choices. It's truly remarkable how a piece of clothing can actually effect how you feel day to day. I can't understand wearing the same styles each day when there are so many different combinations to be had. You surely can't be feeling the same day in, day out, to wear similar clothing all the time?

I guess this is why I started dying my hair. It became the only way I felt good about transforming my look without expressing it through clothing. I gained far too many piercings along the way and went out dressed as a pirate on many a Saturday hand in hand with my best friend at the time and our sandmen. Long story.

 These were taken when I was about 16/17. Clearly I loved leopard print...and still do. I broke away with all convention and care for what others thought of me and just went for it. My identity started to become apparent and I knew I would never be one of the cool kids in their generic clothing. I was glad I wasn't too. 

Fashion shouldn't be a definition of whether you're cool or not. It shouldn't be about whether you own the most expensive item or are wearing the latest trend. It should be about self expression. Finding out what you love, what suits you, what doesn't, what captures your mood at that time. 

My identity has slowly slipped away again but I want to capture it back. I want to go back to feeling like me. Unashamed of what I am wearing just because other people sneer. Unafraid. You should too.

Hannah x