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Sex is something a lot of women appear to be nervous to speak about. When, in a group of friends, we can sometimes feel intimidated by another persons sex life because it may seem more active than our own. We may have less experience, not feel confident with it, not know our own preferences yet. We can feel uncomfortable by a discussion because it is not something that should be spoken about in public. It can be something that we are ashamed to admit to. I am not one of those people.
An example of this would be yesterday evening. As my friend (male) and I walked into Morrisons we began discussing porn. Of course we did, there isn't even the option to be surprised that I would bring up such a conversation. In all honesty, it began because of my weird obsession of having things on my right; such as my nose piercing or wearing a watch whereas most others would have it on their left. He then told me that he preferred things on his left, mainly because he had 'trained' himself to wank with his left hand so he had free access of his right. I, being a woman who can multitask, assumed it was so he was able to do something else. I don't know, something traditionally manly like mow the lawn or some form of DIY. He, indeed, meant being able to scroll through other porn videos. This is something I will never understand. If I am 'in the moment' I don't particularly want to be concentrating on searching for a more appropriate video. I would have invested the time doing that before I decided to stick my hands in my pants thus being able to enjoy myself fully. He, however, did not go by this thinking. I digress. So whilst walking in to Morrisons (other supermarkets are available) I began questioning the lack of good porn. The lack of videos that I can really enjoy without having to either skip or replay sections because the rest of it is lacklustre. My main issue is with 'lesbian' porn. Now, as a bi-sexual, my preference in wank material veers more towards the lesbian side of things despite my preference being men; yet the disappointing array of lesbian videos makes me despair at how samey and dull it all really is. Quite frankly, as a lover of all sexes I really don't want to watch someone shove their fist up another girls arse. Oh and what is with these God awful moans we have to listen to?
Now, for some of you reading the above, male or female, it may have made you a little uncomfortable. If so, why? Is it because I am fairly blunt with my discussions on sex? Is it because I have no shame in admitting my preferences? Or is it because I went to Morrisons rather than Tesco?
Female sexuality is such a powerful weapon. We, as women, are able to expose and manipulate men just by using our powers of seduction, shall we say. We know, if we want something done the best way of getting it is by making it sexual. Tried and tested. It's a pity though because why can't we, as women, do these things ourselves? There is no need for us to use and abuse these poor men just for some sort of gain...
Yet what about the men who use women for some sort of gain. We've all met them. The charmers, the smoothies who are more than happy to fill our heads with bullshit in order to get their leg over. Using our vulnerabilities as some form of bargaining tool. The ones who listen to our problems, are there to comfort us, in the hope of getting some action. I have never heard of many women doing that. I have heard however of one girl who has caused some controversy lately amongst a group of people I know of. This girl, is rumoured to be speaking to more than one guy. I know, hold your hats kids it gets even more shocking. So, not only is this girl speaking to more than one guy (I still can't get over it myself), she is also possibly sleeping with or, at least trying to, sleep with both. (I told you it was going to be shocking.) Heaven forbid this girl is having a sex life. How dare she think it's acceptable to fulfill her needs when it's perfectly acceptable for a man to do so? I discussed this with a friend (male) who referred to her as 'cheap' for what she was doing. In her defence I made the point that if this was the other way round, the guy would be applauded as though he is some kind of fucking hero. 'Well done mate you've got your end wet.' How is that fair?
It's the same with virginity though. I lost mine when I was young. Possibly too young, in fact and I was subjected to all the name calling and abuse; and that was from my actual friends, let alone all the other interfering bastards who felt it was their right to involve themselves in my vagina's activity. If a girl loses her virginity young she is ultimately a 'slag', 'tramp', 'slut', 'whore' (not my words, society's words.) If a guy does it he's praised. It reminds me of that Lee Evans gag 'give her one for me' in which a girl is told to behave herself yet the guy is praised and encouraged to get his end away. Baffling yet true.
I will always be fascinated by the differences between us ladies and men. The blatant inequalities that are ever present especially when it comes to sex. Sex for men is a good thing, sex for a woman is a secret. I say, let's shout about orgasms, make people uncomfortable, cause a little grief by not being afraid to admit we like a good fuck. There are all these gadgets to help a woman 'cum' during sex nowadays but whatever happened to a man putting in the work to achieve our climax? After all, we manage it. Anyway we have to put in the effort sucking on one of those things for God knows how long until our jaw locks or getting cramp in our arms. It only seems fair.
Save your blushes for another day. Sex was not designed to be something to be embarrassed about. It is designed to be enjoyed and I am definitely going to enjoy it and will tell you if I'm not. Oh and please guys don't tell me if you're 'stroking'. It's possibly one of the most horrific things I could hear. If you're getting your jollies off try to use something a little less gentle. I can just imagine you sitting there with a lob on literally stroking it whilst it purrs.
Hannah xox
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