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Today I laughed. No wait, I cried with laughter. In a shower room with my client and the other carer. He has a real fear of water. He hates it. We washed him. So far so good; then it came to rinsing him off... I seriously haven't laughed so hard in ages. I was crying. It was hot. It was hilarious. The other carer is a bit of a character, I think she is amazing. Sadly she leaves in a couple of weeks which means I won't be seeing her again. I must find her on Facebook. Anyway, as the shower head was lifted, aiming for his back, my client started screaming. It was panic. He did start giggling though, so he felt safe. Not only was he wailing, the other carer started copying him and oh my days, it was the funniest thing ever. Definitely a 'had to be there' moment.
I wrote the other day how the three main things that excite me are payday, writing and sex. So far I have had payday and here is the writing, but now what about the sex?
Does tolerating things mean we are strong or just weak at following our beliefs? Does putting up with behaviour and rumour mean we are gullible and stupid? Who can we trust anymore? I have been in a relationship now for nearly three years. Some good times and certainly some bad. Have I tolerated things I wouldn't have done years ago? Yes. Most definitely yes. There's no point letting it consume you though. Unfortunately, some things can never be forgotten but can they truly be forgiven? As I sit here, I really wonder how relationships are supposed to be. We all know the main rules. Don't cheat, don't lie, don't abuse but do we all make up our own rules as we go along? Identity can be lost fairly quickly if you don't hold on to it tightly. I've watched mine disappear before. I have always been head strong, fiery, passionate. I was always adamant I would never change for any man yet here I am; a totally different woman to who I was three years ago. Some changes have been for the better, some for the worse. Now, these aren't all necessarily my partner's fault as you only change when you want to. Any one who forces you to change is an arsehole and doesn't deserve your time.
For some reason I am in an anti-man state of mind but for no real reason. I am considering becoming a lesbian, full time. None of this half arsed rubbish. Wouldn't that be easier? I doubt it. Women are as hard work as men just in a different way. Men seem to struggle with emotions and women seem to struggle suppressing their emotions. We need to take a leaf out of each others books.
I hate waiting for texts. I definitely need to be drunk soon. I am determined to dirty dance with her. Oh, and see how drunk I can get her.
Hannah x
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