Day 8.

It was perfect. It was hot. Too hot at times. It was quick. It flew by; as if the moments couldn't bare to stay any longer than they had to. It disappeared before I even knew what to do with it. It was my day.

*

After a fairly mediocre morning of work, I had time to reflect on what or indeed, who, I was. Of course, the obvious answer is I'm a girl. Well, woman now I guess. How time flies. After years of change I suddenly felt like I didn't recognise myself anymore. Maybe the physical change hadn't been anything to get excited about, I was more intrigued by how I'd changed as a person. Was I considered a bitch? Needy? Lazy? Passionate? Caring? What was I? Who was I?

Working with individuals a lot older than me gives a real insight in to how I could become if I get stuck in a rut. I hear stories of people regretting some of their life choices, how old they were when they had their children, their past romances, their dreams and wishes. All of it coming with the same piece of advice or, should I say, wisdom. 'Do what makes you happy and remember you are still young.' Still young. That always rings in my head when I think back to conversations. I may still be young but soon enough society will have written me off as a true has-been and can I really cope with that? Like fine wine we grow better with age. Do I really want to wait until I have aged until I am truly happy?

At 23 years old I already, at times, feel past it. I feel like I haven't achieved. Haven't done more silly things that are expected of me at my age. I don't take drugs, I don't have an awful and regrettable tattoo and I don't sleep around. Should I be doing those things? Am I too young to settle down? I guess age has nothing to do with whether you are ready to settle down or not. After all, there are those in their 40's who still aren't ready and in equal measure those at 18 who are. 

The sadistic nature of all social media means we are inflicted with seeing how well everyone else is doing, whilst leaving us a little desolate and feeling like we aren't doing enough. Yet, what is enough? Surely being settled in a beautiful bungalow with an amazing job, partner, family and friends is nothing to be sniffed at? How do I know that the young, gallivanting youth aren't wishing or hoping for the same thing? The grass is always greener on the other side. It's not always worth the visit. I say that from true experience. 

This post must sound horrid. I sound like I am complaining about the life I have which, of course, I'm not but maybe I just miss the excitement I once felt? Maybe this is excitement but in a different form. My excitement comes from writing, pay day and sex; if they all happen on the same day I am a very happy girl. 

Grasping on to who we were before can't be the safest of things to do. It can make us irrational, no longer content, bored. Rather than holding on to who we were, we should be embracing who we are. Sometimes something feels like it is missing from my life but I guess that is part of the journey. Something I haven't discovered yet which will soon makes it's presence known. Some times life needs a little shake up. We need to re-evaluate what we want. The life we want. 

I got stung by a wasp yesterday. The nest was huge. This excited me.

Hannah xox