Day 24.

It's times like these she wished she had better luck. It's days like that when she realises who she could have been. It's people like them who make her proud to be nothing like that. She was hoping for something more but it all felt so out of reach.

*

The idea that people can actually change seems really alien to some. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to see people's attempts, even though they may only be small. I can't understand why you wouldn't give someone the opportunity to better themselves. I can't understand why you would consistently push them down again rather than help lift them up.

Reputation can be a deal breaker. Reputations are horrible, usually. I have the reputation of being an awful drunk. Funnily enough though I am only like that with certain people in certain situations. If you genuinely make me happy I don't tend to have too much of a problem. This reputation of mine is not one I am fussed about. I know I am a good person and I know that I will not let people treat me like utter crap. Yet I am the bad person...go figure.

A reputation can stay with you forever if you don't do anything to correct it. If you constantly prove people right you can't expect them to support you forever, can you? We all make foolish life choices and we all pay the price at some point or another. Those who bring up our pasts to ruin our future are not worth knowing. I know that most definitely. They're the people with nothing better to do and who, in most cases, tend to be the ones with very little going on in their own lives. They're the ones who create dramas that don't need to be there, they're the ones who spread rumours and lies for attention, they're the ones who can't cope with their own issues so involve themselves in other peoples. It's boring and over done. 

I'd like to think I can be a good friend to people who deserve it. I will support, encourage and love whoever you are if you show me the same back. If you haven't done anything to me, I have no reason to dislike you. We all know someone who's reputation precedes them but does that mean you give up on them or stick by them?

Either way I know that I will be there for those who need it and I will give them the opportunity to prove people wrong. That's the thing though, surely if we are being judged on our previous behaviour, we should feel motivated to stick two fingers in the air, change how we are and go 'fuck you world.' I would want to prove a point that all those people were wrong about me. I will prove it and when I do I will make sure that none of those drama seeking people are in my life to enjoy my success.

Hannah xox