Day 23.

It felt natural as though it was always meant to be this way. The chance to start over. Adjust all the flaws that bring you down. Become the person you have wanted to be for so long. No tears left. Just acceptance.

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As you may or may not know, I have recently become a singleton. After nearly three years we decided we are better off without each other and in some ways I feel relief. We were pretty much living like brother and sister. I felt like I was a lodger. Now we are okay. It feels weird but the excitement that I can have my zebra print duvet is phenomenal. I don't want to discuss it all too much. It's still raw. Still uncomfortable to think of times where he would usually be there but now won't be. Thinking of all the plans we once made that won't happen. The excitement of living in this gorgeous bungalow together is now just a shadow of what it used to be. It's all just weird.

However...

On looking at my single status I am now feeling motivated, happy, free, excited. I am looking forward to my future which I can now plan for so it is exactly how I want it. I start uni in October and I couldn't be more excited. Throwing oil over people and squeezing their feet seems too much fun to be missed! Sounds kind of kinky...I digress...

Perhaps now I am out of the relationship bubble I am seeing the world in a completely different way. I am seeing certain people for how they really are, I am seeing the nature of this town through open eyes rather than shielding myself from the b.shit. This transformation in my life will include a cull. A cull of all the soul destroying, lying, manipulative people who occasionally dart in and out of my life in the hope of destroying it with their tales. (If you think you are one of them then it's clear you have a guilty conscience...) I have no time for them anymore. I have no time for the negativity. 

I am concentrating on spending my time with people I love and strengthening the friendships I already have and value most. Maybe not everyone will agree with my choices but I certainly know that I have people in my life who want to be there, who are strong, determined, supportive, loving. That's all I need right now. I need the positive energy to be the most prominent force each day.

Ronnie would always be important to me. Death wishes don't last long.