Day 28.

Heart breaking. Wishing and praying they'd just say those words you'd been longing to hear for so long. Rumour and gossip spreading like wild fire. Distancing yourself from something that won't give up. It was heart break. It really was.

*

On Friday night I wore stupid shoes. Again. Then, I fell over. Again. I don't feel it's appropriate to go out for an evening of drinking without falling down at least once. This seems to be my 'thing'. I had a good time. Dancing, drinking, walking my friend out because she was 'spinning' at 11pm. I need to train her to drink more. Lightweight.

Losing a friend or someone you're really close to is the worst thing ever. It is like breaking up with a long term partner. You know it's for the best but you don't want it to happen. What do you do if you don't think it's for the best but are doing it just to save the aggro? What if it's the last thing you want to do but are scared if you don't, things will get harder?

This town is incredibly small. Everyone knows everyone and everyone thinks they know everyone's business. Although, they probably do know everyone's business seeing as no one can be trusted. This is what makes friendships fail. The doubts, the rumours, the blatant lies. All because there are some who cannot find anything better to do than spread meaningless b.shit around, in the desperate hope that it will keep them entertained for a lot longer as they have sweet f.a to focus on in their own lives. I got the best text yesterday which sums up my point entirely...

"Hello. Just a quick one to say; really don't worry about what that particular group of people say. They are all the dregs of Eastbourne society. None of them have any aspiration to do or be anything and they all lead completely uneventful lives, so obviously the only thing that keeps them remotely entertained is gossip. They'd dry out and die without it. x"

KJ was good with his words of wisdom.

We begin to wonder if these lies are true. We begin to believe those who say it. We begin to doubt our friends and go against our better judgement. We should listen to our inner guide. We don't have this gut instinct for nothing. We should trust it, listen to it, realise that it might know us better than some gossip driven moron desperate for attention. Hmm...

Either way I am scared of losing the people I love because of malicious lies and rumour. I find it funny that certain people have said to me 'I know what went on' when in actual fact they have no clue because they were never there. Does make me giggle. 

Happier posts will come later. Promise. 

Hannah xox