Day 28.1.

She is the one you always think of. The one who has captured your heart in a way that you never imagined. She is the one who believes in you. Who has fallen for you. She is the one you trust. She is your ally. Her name is only whispered on the wind but her love burns strongly in your heart.

*

I have found in my few years on this Earth that faith in humanity can be restored from a gentle word from a kind other. KJ was good to me. The words spoken were usually exactly what I needed to hear. "Where has the strong Hannah I once knew gone?" These are the words that have sparked my heart and mind back to where they needed to be.

It took me some time to realise that not everyone will like me and I would not like other people. Some times through no reason at all. It is just that we are not destined to be friends or, indeed, acquaintances. This is something I can live with happily. I am optimistic for my future again. There is nothing now that stands in the way of my happiness apart from myself and my own self doubt. This is not to be given in to.

Karma is my mistress now and I know she will rear her head when the time is right and punish those who have caused misfortune now. Whether that be to me, for all the wicked things I have supposedly done, or to those who are determined on causing pain and unkindness to others for no real reason. I will gladly take her punishment if I have done wrong yet I am the only one who really knows the truth and I will stick by my truth no matter what. It has all become petty. It is bullying in it's lowest form. It is childish and irrelevant and I must remember that. I must not waste another tear on anyone who tries to bring me down.

The kindness I have received from the only true people in my life is what should help me move forward. It will help me forward. The Hannah I once knew has faded in to more of a wall flower but no more. I am always saying I should find her again. Look her in the eye and admit who I really am. What I really am. I will find her courage, her strength, her determination and passion for all life has to offer and I will let her blossom once more. There is no use in life allowing the small things cloud your mind when your destiny is there for the taking.

University will be my saviour in some respects. I will meet new, like minded people and relish in the fact that I am slightly away from the town I once thought of as home. It will allow me to grow as an individual. It will allow me to become the woman I truly am, without hiding behind this mask. The mask that has become my safety net. The aggressive, unaffected b.shit I parade around is not me. It is not who I truly am. It is my cover. To protect me from anything that has decided to jeopardise my happiness. The mask is slipping and my softer, romantic, affected side is becoming prominent.

I am sorry to those I have hurt. I am not sorry to those who deserved it. Justice will be done and I will be there to either embrace it or watch, as it slowly destroys those who feel their power is any greater than mine. We are all equal. We are all united in the same, ever present fact. We are all human and we all make mistakes. My mistakes are my burden and no one else has the right to judge me on them. In the same way I have no right to judge anyone else.

Remember that she lurks around every corner, waiting to take her prey as she sees fit. She is a strong force, one of which that can't be avoided. Be good to others and she will be good to you. I wish you luck in your futures and I hope you find happiness. It is now time for me to find mine so please, leave me be. If you dislike me, remove me from your life. If you don't agree with my words, remove me from your life. If you don't like my choices, remove me from your life. I shouldn't have to be the only adult here.

Hannah xox