Day 59.

I'm sorry I made you cry. It was never my intention. I'm sorry I didn't cry. Mine came a lot earlier.

*

Bobbing along. That is exactly what I am doing and it is amazing. I am in the happiest situation I have ever been. Ever. My life has taken a huge turn. I have come off the road of self doubt and disbelief and I am now living out my dreams. I am finally the girl I have always wanted to be, minus a few little niggles which, frankly, are nothing to get worked up about. I have actually sorted myself out. I have exciting ventures coming up, friends who I love with all my heart and, of course, the most bizarre and mentally deranged family. Yes Willy, I'm referring to you.

Today, being my first day 'at the parents' has been good. No one was really around, which has helped if I'm honest. It's better than I had anticipated purely because they are in and out as much as I am. I got some time to myself so I could indulge in my disgraceful Dead Rising and Fable issues. Bare in mind my Xbox skills are nothing to get excited about. In fact I spend most of my time looking up at the sky flailing around, because I can't focus on using the lawnmower as well as concentrate on where I am going. (I do mean in the game, by the way, I don't usually struggle to keep my own head in the right place...) I will never be a 'gamer'. I don't have the patience for it. 

It is odd not being in Eastbourne though. Odd in the sense that I have lived there for nearly 6 years now and I am suddenly struck back to my childhood home. It's so fantastic though. After some difficult years being surrounded by Eastbourne's finest rumour mill, not being there has been a weight off my mind. I travel to go to work or see the people I love the most. That is all. Other than that I am surrounded by gorgeous countryside, peace and quiet. This is how I should be living. I know, perhaps, I should have felt more emotion leaving the place I had called home for the last 6 months but, in truth, there was nothing to stay there for anymore. I was resigned to a cold room at the front of the house, sleeping on a mattress on the floor with all my things scattered around the room in some disastrous order. Here, I have my own room. Sort of. The Jamie room. I felt quite alone at the old house. Not all the time, of course. This has definitely been the best solution.

I am sat here, in my new bed, eating cold spaghetti and meatballs out of a small tupperware box because I am too lazy to put it on a plate and I would have to put it in the dishwasher once I've finished...balls, I will have to put this plastic pot of joy in there anyway. Not thought through enough.

 I ask myself if it's too soon. If I am doing the right thing. The only answer I have is...yes. Without a shadow of a doubt. I am so happy with everything that is happening right now because I know that it can only get better. My PMA is certainly working. I recommend it to any of you. Live, laugh, love. That's all I intend on doing from now on.

I'm just Bobbing along. Happy as larry.

Hannah xox