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As another weekend flies by I was feeling optimistic about this week coming up. 1 week left. Not only am I doing fairly basic shift work, I also enroll at University on Thursday. I am so worried that I will arrive and be promptly sent away. Not for any particular reason. They just dislike my choice in cardigan or the fact my patchy red hair is too messy. I am panicking over nothing. For months of excitement, the reality that I will soon be returning to actual study is something that is scaring me. The writing aspect of the course doesn't faze me at all. To be fair, none of it does really apart from the organisational skills of working my study around life. That will be the toughie. I loved school, mostly, and of course I adored college so, as long as I can keep my attitude the same as when I was at those, I should be fine.
I have a new character to add to this blog. Another person for people to wonder who I am referring to. Someone else to add to the mix. He is wonderful. I appreciate I say this about most people but it just goes to show the kind of people I choose to spend time with. Cet (pronounced 'set' don't you know. You don't want to upset him by saying it wrong so make sure your inner voice is saying it correctly.) Cet is an absolute darling. He is one of the most genuine people I am lucky enough to know and I have known him for years. Not that we have been close friends for those years but still. Recently I have been blessed with spending more time with him. I have never had a time where I haven't cried with laughter. He is incredibly funny, quick witted and down right blunt. Dj Hydro had no hope.
In one of my random 'let's discuss everything moments' on the drive home, Cet and I discussed the commitment within relationships. (I feel like a British Carrie Bradshaw in the sense that most of my writing derives from relationship joys and woes. Apart from I don't sleep around as much, have more self respect for myself than to keep going back to a man who treats me like shit and who, in turn, I whinge at because he isn't giving me the 'perfect' love and who I cheat on by kissing my ex in Abu Dhabi.)
We were discussing how you can tell when it's the right time to propose to someone. When is it the right time for that level of commitment to be achieved. He spoke of one person who has frequently been engaged and after short successions of time and he also spoke of his own relationship. Cet has been with his partner for a few years but it's trapped in this undecided, grey area of the relationship where he can't work out whether engagement is an appropriate action right now- because they've been together for years- or whether things should stay how they are because they're both happy. The most prominent quote from Cet was quite simply, 'I just know that getting engaged would be something that makes her happy.' From this I wondered, are men proposing simply because they're under the illusion that society deems it an 'appropriate' length of time to begin that commitment and because they just want to make the woman happy? If the thought of marriage is the only thing keeping your missus happy, I suggest you buy her a sex toy and chocolate to give her other avenues to explore. And no, that is not a euphemism. If your soul purpose to engage in matrimony is to keep the other person happy so they don't think you're a commitment-fearing-heartless bastard then, as far as I am concerned, marriage isn't the best idea for you right now.
You could, of course, simply get engaged as an offering of commitment without actually having to sign the piece of paper which joins you together forever more. That way your partner has been satisfied with her longing for 'proper' commitment and you have made her happy. Everyone is a winner. Apparently. As a hopeless romantic I don't seem to be supporting the course of love too greatly right now. However, as much as I want to be kissed in the rain and surprised with love letters and flowers, I am also a realist. I am fully aware that relationships consist of give and take (of which I enjoy immensely in the bedroom) and we need to understand what levels either partner is at when working on how it can go further. If one is doubting the idea of marriage because of fear of things changing then that needs to be addressed.
I know it's a traditional idea for the woman not to know that the proposal is going to happen and it's all hush hush until the big romantic gesture is made; yet, if we can't even discuss it as a couple for fear of 'ruining the surprise' how are we ever going to know it's the right time? How are we going to be sure what we are doing is the right thing for us now? When is the right time?
Of course, I would love to get married. I would love to have children. However, I am not expecting, after being with someone a few years, that they should propose to me because it's the acceptable time. I wouldn't want them to feel obliged to just because it's been a certain length of time. I would want them to do it because they want to, because they feel that they can make that commitment in front of a room full of people, to say that they want to spend their life with me. That's all us girls want. Isn't it? For those of us who want to marry, or at least, can entertain the thought of marriage in the future whether we are single or not now, we just want somebody who wants us. Who can give us that sign that they are wholly committed to us.
There is so much pressure on those in relationships to be ever promoting their relationship status. Meeting, dating, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner, long term relationship, move in, get engaged, marry, have kids, (divorce), grandchildren, (great grandchildren), dead. Romance should be my middle name. With each stage of our relationship there will be, undoubtedly, someone who will ask 'oh so you've just moved in together, when are you getting engaged?' or whatever. There always has to be progression. I myself, am happy with all those next levels, not so much death, but I am happy to reach each of them when the time is right. I am the kind of person who likes to discuss whether we are both in the same place, in terms of relationship progression. I like to know if it's just me who is feeling more strongly or if we are both having issues. I don't like the denial of people who refuse to admit that they aren't ready yet. There is only one stipulation that I have when it comes to marriage and that is simply: 'I want to marry and hopefully have children before I am 30.' That is it. That is all I ask. I now have 6 years to marry and breed. Perhaps I am a little too optimistic.
Through all my relationship experiences, whether I have ever thought of a solid future with them or not, I have learned that if marriage is even a consideration it has to be joint decision, ultimately.
Hannah xox
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