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Today has been a mix of anxiety, stress, laughs, positivity, excitement and headaches. Today I have pretty much experienced emotions at each end of the spectrum with severe intensity. Today I became a student. A proper one. A full time one. An official one. I am now entitled to a discount on things I will never use. This is exciting.
I left my house at around 7:30, just in case. I didn't want to be late and then panic where I was going. My train left at 8:05. I had parked my car up in Polegate (trying to save on the fare) and I wandered to the station. As I tried to pay for my ticket by card, which didn't happen because the machine broke, I began my panicking from thereon. I got my ticket, eventually and boarded the train to Lewes. This was good. I know trains, I've used trains for years, I am safe here. The journey felt as though it had flown by when the conductor announced we had arrived. I gathered my things together and got off the train. My thoughts at that point were 'follow the people who look like students'. This plan, although brilliant at first turned out to be the worst. Don't ever follow people you 'assume' are students because, from my research today, you are going to be wrong. I followed them. Casually of course. I wasn't on some stalker mission and ended up going the complete opposite direction of where I needed to go. After some lengthy following I realised they were, in fact, not students. I gave in and asked some wary man which way it was. He seemed very nervous as I bounded over, all smiles, and asked politely where I should be going. He relaxed when he realised my scruffy appearance and questioning wasn't an attempt at getting money to feed my Special Brew habit. He obliged and sent me back the opposite direction. From there, I was fine.
I arrived at the building. Tall, ominous and my new home for the next 2 years at least. I found my room after 4 flights of stairs. Not fun. And I stood outside the room for 20 minutes. As more people arrived we were let in and we all sat down. All nervous and feeling a little uncomfortable. Silence. Awkward giggles as the tutor tried to ease us in. Half an hour later and we were all chatting away like we'd been friends forever. Groups began to form as they do when in a large group of girls but it was nice. There were no massive divides. No bitchiness. We all got on really well.
Enrollment itself was nerve wracking enough. I was expecting to be refused. Told I wasn't on the course. Sent away crying. This, of course, didn't happen. It was a breeze. They didn't ask for half the things they 'require for the enrollment process' so that helped. Well, purely because I didn't actually have half of the things they needed. Then came the worst part of my entire day. The photo! Why do they insist on taking your photo when a) you least expect it and b) you are looking like a tonne of shit? That's right. A tonne of shit. I had adopted my new style of not giving a fuck and dressing as though I am a hybrid of granny couture meets student bum. It's truly beautiful. So as the lady is chatting away to me she informs me she's already taken my photo. Great. Mouth part open where I am about to speak, hair everywhere and the most confused look on my face. That'll do.
We got given a little more of an insight in to the course, met some more of the lecturers and took a tour of all the facilities we would be using. I, at this point, was so keen to start I could have thrown someone on to a massage table and drowned them in Essential Oils. After months of trying to imagine what this would be like, I finally saw how my next 2 years were going to pan out and I couldn't wait. After all my nerves this morning I was ready to begin. The start of my new adventure had begun. I had plucked up the confidence to speak to new people. I actually instigated conversation which is amazing for me. I laughed, I took part and I listened. I tried to absorb as much of the energy and atmosphere as I could just so I could know, on reflection, that this was really something I could do. The main draw to this particular course, Complementary Healthcare, was the level of science behind it. It is intense. It is going to be tough at times but overall it is going to be so interesting. I will learn how the human body works, pressure points, stress relief, nutrition, business all alongside the main principles of the course. I loved biology at school, so this would all be right up my street. Not to mention it also teaches about chakras, positive energy fields and all that hippie shit that I love so much. I am in heaven.
We had our final talks by the senior members of staff at the college and we were then treated to sandwiches and orange juice. Very grown up. I must remind you that at 9:30 this morning I was entering a competition to win a £20 gift voucher. Well, that's a lie. I was entering a competition to win the runner's up prize of wine. My dedication to wine has no time limit.
So, my day has been wonderful. Stressful yet wonderful.
I thought, when my amazingly new positive attitude came about, that it wouldn't last. I didn't realise being this happy and content was possible yet, here I am. Still smiling. Still smiling because I have everything I need right now. My future is taking shape. I can see myself being this happy forever now. I don't actually think I can go back to those dark days again. When we make changes, changes occur. Sounds stupid but it does make sense. I am living my life the way I want it and I've never been happier.
Hannah xox
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