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Another day, another conversation about men and sex. Generally our car journeys consist of me listening. Perhaps with the occasional shocked outburst or laugh yet, generally, I kept quiet. I didn't have much choice usually. I was the person chosen for the task of listening. I liked it. Considering I tended to laugh the entire time. I am sure there are more of these to come.
Yesterday morning was different though. The dynamic had changed. It was my turn to speak. Fill in the awkward silences where I had said something that was possibly too much for some people. She didn't care. She just listened and laughed. A lot. There was the occasional 'poor you' comment but all in all, I spoke.
I had gone on to the subject of piss poor sex. What else would people be talking about at half 8 in the morning?! We had established that it seemed to be a taboo. Sex was only ever discussed, usually, if it was good or someone's pretending it was good. I didn't hold back. As if I ever would. I was telling my lovely friend all about my shocking encounters and looking back, they were all pretty hilarious. If I had the same mindset then, as I do now, I would have left a lot sooner than I did.
There was once a time I was 'seeing' a guy. He was lovely, easy to talk to. I can't think of much else to be honest. There then came a time where I went to his after we'd met a few times and we sat down to watch a film. Of course, the inevitable 'snuggling' happened and we all know where that can lead. In all honesty, I wasn't really feeling it. I, in truth, had no real interest in getting any from this person at all however, one thing lead to another. What can I say? I was swept up in the moment. (Don't panic, I won't divulge the gruesome details too much!) So, we made it to the bedroom. This pleased me. That sofa wasn't very comfortable anyway. So, things were occurring. Mainly for him more so than me. Events unfolded. Events very quickly nearly ended. 1 minute in. Are you kidding me? I let that go, it wasn't a problem. I wasn't that fussed anyway. The finale is my highlight of this story. Events stopped, briefly and then resumed. "Okay," I thought "This isn't going to happen for me here. Ever." I had resigned myself to the outcome of dull, lacklustre fucking pretty quickly. In fact, I had worked that out from the start. Events came to their conclusion. Thank God. It was all done and dusted. Now, I could leave.
Despite the noises being somewhat passionate, there was no passion occurring in any part of my body whatsoever. On reflection, I do feel sorry for the guys who do a hit and run. This was my attempt at one and it worked nicely. I feel sorry for the fellas that finish off and have to perform the usual cuddle after sex routine. To be honest, all I ever want to do, after having good sex, is go to sleep. In this instance all I wanted to do was run away. So, returning back to the story. He finished, I sat up, got dressed to his amazement. No hug, no tea, no fag, just home. He asked where I was going. I turned, pushed my hair back as I always do and uttered "Home." Well, his face was a picture to behold. I don't know if it was shock, disappointment or relief (he was clearly tired from all the effort he had put in...) I put my shoes on, said my goodbyes and didn't look back. I haven't spoken to him since.
From this story, I'd like to share with you a picture I found which tickles me immensely.
Ladies, there comes a time where it is important you say what you want. Seriously. It is, as I'm sure many of you know, a horrible, horrible experience just feeling as though you're a prop as opposed to part of the action. You were not designed to lay there and take it. You are not a man's play thing and you most certainly don't deserve bad sex. We all deserve beautiful orgasms with rainbows and unicorns dancing around. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm not saying every single time needs to be some sort of acrobatic display. You just need to be involved. It took me a long time to actually say to men 'do this, do that, up a bit, slower, faster.' I was always afraid that it was the wrong thing to do. It's not the wrong thing to do. It's the best thing to do.
Bad sex shouldn't be tolerated and, for me, it's one of the important deal breakers in a relationship. Try before you buy is what my friend said to me. She has a point. It's something I may have to investigate.
Sex is an equal thing. One of you may get more of a treat than others on occasion but ultimately you should be sharing the wealth. Men, you should be helping your lady out. Warm the oven before you put your meat in to roast. Ladies, you shouldn't expect him to do all the work. Get down on it as Kool and the Gang would say, or if that's not your thing at least do something than just lay there! Orgasms do not occur by being still. Just saying...
Anyway, I think I've scarred you enough for one day. Don't forget there's no shame in enjoying being naughty...
Hannah xox
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