*
As the drinks went down I realised it could only end one way. Those cheeky red Bulmers becoming my down fall faster than I could imagine. Every time. Every single time. Leaning against the bar, trying to get her attention, pointing at the glass and grinning. Again and again. Dancing like a mad woman, roping in friends and family. Zorba the Greek. I'd catch his eye.
From nothing to something I knew I had gone too far but didn't stop. A cuddle, a stroke of the back, a hand on his knee. I was falling faster and faster with no way of stopping. I stopped the cab early, just so I could walk with him. Just me and him. Just us. I felt the flutter. A pang in my chest I had to get rid of and quickly. This wasn't how it was meant to be. I didn't even know if I really wanted it.
Home. Time to be quiet. Lying there, feeling him breathe next to me. Strong. My head was spinning but I knew it was going to happen. I kissed him. My heart pounding, my body aching for him. He kissed me. It all happened so quickly. My squeals of delight having to be smothered before the awkward tap on the door telling me to be quiet. I needed him. I wanted him.
Woke up. He'd gone. Now was the time for regret to join me in bed. Why did I do this to myself? The decision was hard enough anyway let alone with me complicating it all. Deep down I knew I couldn't be anymore. Not right now and I wasn't sure if I ever could. Yet he gave me those fireworks I'd dreamt of.
Hannah xox
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