Day 185.

Ultimately it's about being yourself but there is a little part of all of us that wants to be like someone else.

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Feelings seem to be a tricky subject with some of the menfolk we have wandering across this beautiful planet. They seem to be this elusive taboo that we haven't quite cracked. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of ladybirds not admitting their true feelings too. Out of fear mainly. Fear that we'll be judged.

I like a man in control of his feelings. One that isn't shy of saying how he feels, one that isn't scared of opening up and being honest. For some menfolk, this seems to be a really difficult concept to grasp. Some guys, rather than be straight with us, use 'feelings' to trap us in to uncertainty. In times gone by there was a guy, who clearly didn't know me that well. Rather than just saying he wanted a one night stand, he lead me on completely. Now if he had admitted his feelings and told me the truth I wouldn't have been so pissed off with him. Not in the fact that it was a one night stand (that turned out to be the most terrible shag of my life) I was more annoyed that he felt he had to bull his way to getting it. Why pretend feelings? What does that actually accomplish?

Forcing feelings is another no-go area. Time and time again I have tried to convince myself in to having feelings for people that really, I didn't. All those hours wasted, over thinking and trying to force the notion that this was good, didn't work. I ended up irritated by the other person. Not that they'd done anything wrong, of course but the fact that they were pushing their feelings on me when I didn't even know what mine were.

A good friend said he didn't want me to think he was weird if he told me how he felt. Is that a standard male fear? He was too worried I would think he was 'soft' if he admitted things to me. There it was. The male fear had materialised itself in a single text message. A message that would inspire me to write about feelings. Is it really a soppy thing to do when admitting your feelings? Is it a general no-no for a fella to admit how he feels? Do men not feel anything? (Other than women's arses in bars?)

I think menfolk need a shake up. A bash around the head. Whatever you feel is appropriate really. They need to realise that girls like feelings. We relish them. We over think them. As much as we say we hate the games, in some way we all love the chase but ultimately, let's have the honest feelings laid out before you string us along. Only after one thing, great, let us know. Really like us, let us know. Let's leave all the teasing and stuff for the playground. We're all grown ups here. Well, most of us. A girl wants to know how a guy feels. Maybe there are ways in which you can tell us without crushing our hearts. You know? If you're not happy with her, perhaps let her down gently but be honest...admit how you feel.

Life is all about feelings. We rely on our feelings to let us know when something is a good or bad idea. If you struggle to admit those you'll end up very alone. Admitting to how we feel can sometimes be really tough. We worry what others will think, whether they'll reciprocate, whether you'll look a fool. Who cares? If we are scared to admit those feelings why are we having them at all? What's the use in holding on to something that you'll never express? Be angry, be upset, be happy. Be whatever you have to be, but let your feelings out!

So, a little note to all the menfolk: 

'Let's get this straight boys. Us ladybirds like an emotional fella. I'm not talking about crying all the live long day, writing poetry and declaring your undying love for us. I'm talking about being honest, admitting how you're feeling and being considerate of our feelings. We're all sentient beings and as much as you want to believe you're this tough, 'give-a-shit' kinda person...you're really not. You will cry over things, you will laugh at random moments and you will fall for someone. That can't be stopped but there's no shame in it at all. So, remember, the next time you're interested in a girl, just tell her. If you only want one thing, let her know. Don't be using these phoney feelings just to get in to her pants because I can promise you, she will be telling all her friends what an idiot you are and you know how much us girls like to gossip. That truth will be shared around pretty quickly.'

I love feelings. I love how they can consume us. How they can overwhelm us, take our breath away and shock us to the core. They are a magical, invisible power that only individually we can understand. There's no use in shying away from them. We must accept them, embrace them and allow them to empower us. If you're feeling sad or angry. Why? Channel your feelings in to something positive. If you're feeling happy or enlightened. Why? Harness that phenomenal power you are feeling and allow it to enter all aspects of life.

I'm feeling pretty amazing right now. What about you?

Hannah xox