Day 15.

"Earth to Hannah. Come in. Can you hear me? Hannah? Life is not a fairytale and it won't ever be like it is in the movies. Wake up."

*

I came down to Earth with a bang.

I am a dreamer. There is no denying it. I am the kind of person desperate to be passionately kissed in the rain, come home to a house full of flowers, proposed to under the stars. I am the hopeless romantic in an unromantic relationship. I don't judge him though, that's the way he is but it isn't the way I am. I should definitely have been an actress. I could have acted out these scenes over and over again, yet they still wouldn't be my moments.

Do I want him to be more romantic? No. If that isn't who he is, I don't want him that way. Forced. Awkward. Uncomfortable. No thanks. Either I am with a romantic man or I am not. Left in my own dream world. Do I believe in forever? Maybe once but not so much now. With 'gentlemen' in serious decline does it mean us ladies have to forget all about the being swept off our feet routine? Do we no longer deserve it?

I deserve it and I will tell you why. After years of disastrous relationships I reckon I have earned it. I've put up with cheats, liars and everything else in between. No more! I quit. I have given up 'bad' men and I am certainly no longer going to accept average. I want amazing. I want the butterflies, the passion, the commitment, the excitement. Why should I expect anything less? Why should you expect anything less?

I had my life all planned out. Nothing has turned out how I expected it. So far. House in the countryside, three kids, dogs and a husband who dotes on me. Traditional. Simple. Loving. Wholesome. Am I expecting too much though? Can dreams really come true?

Running away always seems a romantic idea. Think Lydia and Mr Wickham in Pride and Prejudice. Can it ever be a good thing? Leaving everyone and everything behind in the hope that the love you have will last? I always like to think it would. Especially if it's real. "I am going to Gretna Green, and if you cannot guess with who, I shall think you a simpleton, for there is but one man in the world I love, and he is an angel." If only life were like the times of this and we were so naive as this in love.

A relationship may not be how you planned it. It may not be how you want it. Yet it is still precious. They take hard work, dedication and loyalty. If you've tried and it isn't working, you aren't happy or if you're looking elsewhere-my advice- start re-thinking what you want and what you are doing with that person. Don't break someone's heart just because you are confused by yours. Some times the best decisions we make are the ones we choose with our heart.

Back I go to my dreams. My hopeless dreams. My hopeless romantic dreams.

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”