*
After six hours sleep I was hoping the pain would have subsided but needless to say it hasn't and I can't imagine it letting up any time soon. The sickness is the worst part and it is all because I am poor. Not having any money is, not only stressful in itself, it also leads to other problems, such as not being able to eat. This is the struggle I am having now. I'm not sure how many hours I've gone but put it this way, my job requires a lot of mental and physical energy, and I have none.
At 7am I was greeted by my naked client. His a true darling, despite showing a little too much skin first thing in the morning. He's strong northern accent coupled with his utter deafness is the struggle though. Trying to decipher what he is saying most of the time can be a challenge. Funny though. He always asks why I am single, saying a girl my age should be married and pregnant by now. I disagree. "What's wrong wi' your fella then 'annah? You need a man t'look after you." (Read in a Yorkshire-esque accent.) I always reply with the same thing but to no avail. 'I don't need a man.' This is no longer an acceptable answer so I have to joke it off.
Whenever I look at this man I feel sorry for him. Not in a patronising way because, after all, he's had a very varied life and a doting wife, yet he is all alone. His wife, one of my favourite clients, was rushed to hospital two weeks ago. He is now in his flat all alone. Well, apart from their mutual friend who pops in throughout the week. They have no children, no family, no other support network bar my care agency. It's heart breaking. He no longer has a shopping or cleaning call, as it is not part of his care package and it seems really unfair. He always says how lonely he gets and that no one ever wants to see him. I don't want to be like that.
I've always been afraid of growing old completely alone and it makes me wonder how people, who don't want children, will feel as time goes on. Will they regret it? After all, it may seem fine having your friends and family around now but what happens when they are no longer here? Or are too old to be an active part of our lives? Age is a cruel being. We hope we are with the same person as we grow old and our friends will stay with us throughout but unfortunately that isn't always the case. Just as you grow old, so do the people around you. Having children or extended family does make a huge difference to a person as they age. I have seen the differences in scenario in many different peoples homes. Having a support network around you is so important as you get older.
There has never been a time where I haven't believed I will have children some day. Not now but definitely later. I want a family. A loving family. Who I can turn to whenever I need them and will come to me in the same way. I've always wanted three kids. Two boys and a girl. Yet I would be happy with whatever I am blessed with, as long as they are healthy and happy. A nice, rounded, loving family. It will happen one day, of that I am sure. If you don't want a family, for whatever reason, then you are braver, in a sense, than I am. I dread the thought of growing old alone. You have your reasons for it I'm sure. Some people are just not family orientated in that way, they don't coo over babies and don't think a day out with the kids sounds fun.
Love those you have around you now and be grateful for every day. There will come a time where you will need these people more than you'll ever know.
Hannah xox
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