Day 33.1

He stared at her. Her gaze piercing; searching for a hint of a lie in his eyes but there was nothing. Nothing that she could see. Her heart fluttered and the butterflies danced in her stomach. Who had she become? Was she seeing in to the future?

*

With Eastbourne's finest on the prowl I decided it was about time people got to know me. Not who you see but the person deep inside who has her quirks, her niggles, her embarrassments. There are so many people who 'know' me, I find it unusual that they have so much to say about me yet actually know nothing.

To start, my name is Hannah. I do not like being called Han under any circumstances. Unfortunately I have had to grow to tolerate it because people never listen. I am currently 23 but my 24th is rapidly approaching and I am starting to fear being too old without achieving very much. I am a care assistant and it is truly the best job I have ever had. Try it, you'll be surprised.

I eat kiwis with the skin on and I have a passionate fear of bristles- the feel of them, the sound they make on concrete. Ew. Not only that but wet hair and brushing your eyebrows the wrong way will either make me throw up or shudder ridiculously. Don't do it. I am incredibly soppy, which you may have already gathered from previous blog posts. I can't watch Comic Relief or Children in Need because I pretty much cry through every video they show. I love animals and wish I could be a zoo keeper. Elephants are my favourite. Love, love, love. I come across as aggressive and bolshy because I have been hurt so much in the past. It is not who I am at all. It's my defense mechanism.

Depression has been something I have struggled with since I was about 10 but I was only diagnosed when I was 15. I am not ashamed of it nor will I ever be. There should be no stigma attached to mental illness whatsoever. I love to read but never do it. I never have any money despite working a lot. I am very dramatic. If I could perform on stage for a living, I would. That, or writing. Singing and writing are the only things that relieve stress for me. I believe in Angels and the supernatural. I won't argue about it either. It is my belief and I am not asking you to agree with me. 

My brother lives in Australia. I haven't seen him for so many years and I miss him so much. Seeing my nephew makes me really broody. I wish I was slimmer but am quite content with what I have been given all the same. I find it hard when people judge me. I say things as a joke and people can take them the wrong way. I am sarcastic. I am quirky. I intend on being bald by the time I am 50 because of all the hair dye I use. I can't cook and I don't want to learn. I like to meditate. 

Hiding my emotions can be a struggle sometimes. I wish people wouldn't talk behind my back. I let things affect me too much. I fall in love easily. I am fierce. I want a pug and a house in the countryside. I listen to Turkish music. I listen to Greek music. I listen to a random host of music genres. I miss going to gigs and licking people. I drink too much sometimes and I don't care. I'm a shameless flirt and it gets me in to trouble. I must stop that. All I want is to be loved. 

I am complex, in the same way you are. It would be nice to be appreciated more. It would be nice to hear from people who care rather than only when something bad happens or they want gossip. I have never been very popular and that's fine by me. I can't stand the word 'blouse'. I want to start belly dancing again. I am very shy. I am happy.

There is a lot to me that people don't realise or don't care to get to know...

Hannah xox