Day 34.

She was the only one who told the truth. The only that knew. The only one you could really rely on to actually listen. Properly. She was incredible. Truly.

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After 4 hours sleep I have gotten up and decided to blog. I am still drunk. This could take some time and a lot of grammatical errors.

An amazing night of work called for an amazing time to work on drinking. I succeeded. Just in case you were concerned. I'm always good at drinking. Clearly my downfall. We danced, we laughed, we had a good night. Well, I certainly did anyway. The sudden urge to just sleep on the floor.

At times it was uncomfortable. Not only because the rumour mill was out last night. We did our best to spark new ones just to see the outcome! Hilarious. On your own tonight? The amount of bizarre men that creep out on a Friday is amazing. The mentally unstable ones that ask you to dance whilst they're with their carers, the incredibly aggressive ones who get an arse on just because you asked for a glass of water for some poor girl feeling ill, the 'are you okay baby' ones who really need to learn that a woman is no one's baby. I loved it. I love the way men seem to think that it's perfectly acceptable to approach a girl despite the fact that the signs are clear to leave her alone. Now I am single it's absolutely fine to pretend to be a lesbian with a female friend. It has been a while since I did that...

This happens every time I have a weekend off. The only chance I really get to sleep properly and I am wide awake. Every single time. I only decided to blog because there was no way I could cope with the heavy breathing anymore. I have no other room to escape to. Although a duvet in the bath seems fairly appealing right now.

I saw a friend of mine who, usually, is the life and soul. It wasn't the same last night. He was distant. Cold. Uninterested. Yet I hadn't actually done anything wrong. Story of my life I guess. Ronnie was such a good friend of mine it felt weird him being so close yet so far away. The only person who knew about any situation gave me everything I needed to hear as I stumbled down the stairs in my stupid shoes. She was good. She understood. I needed it. Yet would I still play the game? Follow the rules, become the master? It was time.

Every year I get exceptionally excited about Airbourne. There is something about a pilot flying a Typhoon that really gets my juices flowing. Apologies for the mental image there. Cor. I think I need to lie down in a very cold room and calm down. At college I knew a guy who was able to fly (he didn't have his own wings unfortunately) at the age of 17. We sat and watched him 'wave' at us one summer's day as he flew by. It was so amazing to watch. I was so proud of him and still am. I watched him go by and hoped that some day I would impress someone as much as he impressed me.

I will always regret, in a way, not going to university after college. I don't, at all, believe you have to or should but there is something about hearing all your school friends are doing well and they've just finished their degrees yet you are only to start yours in a couple of months. At least I can show these freshers a thing or two about the demon drink that once became my life. I am looking forward to the new experiences, the challenges, the lack of drama situations. It will be refreshing, I hope.

Today I hope for a nap on the beach, a cider and the opportunity to introduce my parents and sister and 'brother in law' to the only woman who knows 'me' so well. I am expecting sausage rolls and nothing less. 

Perhaps I should go back to sleep. Or, at least, try.

I am a shit person to have as a girlfriend.

Hannah xox