Day 39.

Everything had slotted in to place. It was her chance to be amazing. Her chance to change her life and the world. We all do it daily, in our own little ways.

*

It has been one of those days where I really look at who I am and realise how much I have changed over the years, more importantly the last. For reasons I am unable to publish, today is significant to me for both good and bad reasons. Mainly bad. It is filled with regret, in a sense, shame, disappointment and resentment. However, I have healed from the whole drama of it fairly well yet it is still fresh in my mind. Nothing will ever take that feeling away from me. Before and after.

My spirits are high on the whole today, however. Knowing I don't have to work tomorrow evening is the main cause. Oh, that and I get paid tomorrow. It will finally be time to see whether these extra shifts have actually been worth doing or if the whole thing has been a waste of my petrol and energy. By only committing to part time hours each week, I am free to take or leave extra shifts at my own will. This is good as it means I am able to take the evenings off that I want but it also allows me to earn some extra money if I need it. Well, until Mr Tax-Man comes and takes it away. He's a lovely bloke honestly, especially when he's doing his rebates...

My excitement for Uni has become ridiculous now. I can't wait to get stuck in and learn something new. Something that interests me. I will always miss acting but I am intelligent to know that when it isn't meant to be, it just won't be. There is so much competition in that field, I know my talent is nothing compared to some others and I should just enjoy my am-dram rather than having my hopes dashed. Maybe in a few years time I will try something but, for now, I want to concentrate on gaining a solid career. Something to fall back on if I ever need it.

For the last few weeks I have been thinking of returning back to being a vegetarian. Well, pescatarian to be precise. A few years ago I had turned to vegetarianism in order to appreciate the supposed health benefits and the fact that I was sick to the stomach by some of the truly awful PETA videos I found online. The only reason I returned to meat is because I did a 48 hour fast on Christmas Eve and Day for Oxfam. I awoke on Boxing Day and my carnal pleasures were reignited with a good old sausage sandwich. I was bloody hungry though...Maybe I will, maybe I won't but I definitely remember feeling good about myself back then. It really wasn't as hard a transition moving away from eating meat as I originally thought. Luckily Christmas is never a problem as I despise Turkey so that's always something...

Hannah xox