Day 44.

She wanted to feel his touch again. She wanted to be close. Stare deep in to his eyes. Suss him out some more. Feel his body pressed against her. It was passion. It was longing. It was desire.

*

Men are funny. Funny looking and funny acting, mostly. There are some (Dermot O'leary) who are the epitome of perfection and I would quite happily give them a...

Men are funny purely for the reason that they will literally compliment/pay attention to anything with a pulse if it isn't wearing much clothing. Or so I have observed anyway. It appears to me that a woman, on a night out or otherwise, is unable to make certain wardrobe choices in fear of a man's lures. On Sunday night I had the pleasure of having one man try and stick his finger up my arse. Twice. What a gent. The second time he was given a pleasant warning from me. Can a woman not wear anything without being preyed upon by horny, creepy fellas? Is that the rule now? If you wear less you must expect more. More grief that is. I've found that, as a tall girl who regularly wears heels out, I have the wonderful advantage of being taller than most people in a club. I like this. It gives me a certain power and also means men don't get in the way. Well, apart from of my elbows.

I've pretty much given up on entertaining the thought of a man for now. I have no desire to be coupled up for years. Not one bit. No doubt my mind will be changed but I am not settling for second best. I am not going to end up partnered with a man who thinks it's acceptable to chat up other women while he's with me, not going to be with one that is abusive, a liar, a cheat. Perhaps all I am looking for is someone who will treat me as an individual, respect me, try to understand me and not have a problem with me writing about him. It's a fairly simple list of demands. And yes, they are demands because I have, over the years, let go certain things I would never have done. I am not becoming the pushover and allowing certain behaviours go unnoticed. 'Gut instinct' is ruling the roost. I am certainly going to be listening to mine more often.

This is not intended to be a 'man rant' because quite frankly, the issues I am noticing are not worth the air time anymore. Men seem too happy to accuse a woman of being jealous and moany when in actual fact they just appear like sexist pigs. Just saying...

Being single for the last month has been exceptional. (*Disclaimer- My ex is not a bad person, it just didn't work out. This is nothing personal to him.) I am the happiest I've been in such a long time but living with him can be problematic. At times it feels how we were before we broke up and that's strange. He says he's happy me living here because he 'likes me' but at the same time I think we are setting ourselves up for disaster if I stay here forever. I can't spread my wings properly while I am still here and honestly, he gets on my wick after a while. He is like a brother to me and I feel that allows me to hide potatoes in his bed and punch him now and again. It's a good friendship.

Hannah xox