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It's become clear to me that I am never going to be entitled to have a lie in. It is now quite apparent that no matter where I live or, who with, I will never be able to sleep in later than 9am unless I am pissed and don't get home til 5am. Even then I have this ridiculous body clock drama that means I must get up at stupid o'clock. My family have always been early birds. As children/teenagers we were never really allowed to sleep in. I always found myself writing something on my notepad or in my diary because my mind was racing, whereas my younger sister would be sat in front of the TV being a pain in the arse. Standard. We were always encouraged to get up and make the most of the day which is probably why I am stuck in this horrible rut of always being awake early and exhausted. I was lucky one day not so long ago though. I actually woke up at 7am then fell asleep again until 8.30am. Amazing I know. That is the latest I have probably ever slept in until. It helps being one of these people who isn't afraid of an early morning when doing my job. I have no issue at swinging my legs out of bed at 6am, whether it's hot or cold out, and getting myself ready for the day. In fact, if anything, I like it. It means I get to see one of the most beautiful times of the day.
This morning was no different. Awake at 6.45am. I was quite impressed really. I went to bed at half 10 and I think I actually slept all the way through the night. I am like a child. I wake throughout the night consistently. I am having to learn how to fall back asleep when I do wake up and stop thinking it's a good idea to go for a stroll. I still don't quite know why I do it. My dreams can be so vivid sometimes I am really convinced it is actually happening.
Being up early is good in it's own way yet I really prefer still being awake at 2/3am. That's when my creativity bursts in to life. For some reason at that time of day I have more ideas and thoughts than I do throughout the entire day combined. It's not because I don't get inspiration during the day, I just find it all comes together nicely when I am winding down and my ideas take form. I love writing. It's my form of therapy. Even when everything I write is the most boring piece of prose ever to grace this Earth. I can ramble on for hours, really get stuck in to a subject that upsets me, annoys me, confuses me, makes me smile. Some people have said that being interested in reading and writing makes you boring and as though you're missing out on life. (Seriously, someone actually said that to me.) My response to this is the same every time. 'We are different people.' Now, for me, I'm not an adrenaline junkie. Not in the slightest. I have no interested in going sky diving, bungee jumping or even getting on the Dodgems. I literally have no interest in all of that whatsoever. I have been to Disneyland once and hated every second of it. I do not do theme parks. Just because I don't like those things doesn't make me boring, it just means I can have a good time from doing something else. I don't need to scare myself to the point of nearly throwing up, by going on a ride, when all I have to do is look in the mirror for the same effect.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Just because I am young, does not mean I am interested in following the lead of my fellow counterparts. I have no desire to be compared to someone else of my own age. I don't need to be grouped in like some other people do. I don't need to follow the trend of other peoples way of living. I am happy bobbing along as I am. Happy with all the things I do to keep me entertained and happy. Happy to find the thrill in the simple things in life.
Hannah xox
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