Day 86.

She wasn't one to let the world bring her down and she certainly wasn't one to let a man bring her down. Not any more anyway.

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Okay, so now I have a broader understanding of what went on. It has actually fitted together quite nicely and explains a lot. It definitely explains the maturity of some people, that's for sure. It explains who has and hasn't got a back bone. It explains why some people never change.

I have realised my situation. As I woke up I had an epiphany of sorts. Obviously at half 6 in the morning my first thoughts would be 'this is like Jane and Mr Bingley. There is a Darcy involved somewhere in my story but who is it?' This is clearly a normal and rational thing to be thinking about upon waking. To be quite honest it couldn't be any nearer to this scenario. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story of Pride and Prejudice, firstly, shame on you, and secondly allow me to explain this brief section to you. Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy are very rich. Jane Bennet- not so much. Mr Bingley falls in love with Jane and wants to propose to her but Mr Darcy intervenes and persuades Bingley it's not a good idea because she is poor. Jane is sad. They eventually get together and it's all good again. This, my friends, is what I have just had to deal with bar the fact I am not with anyway and I am not living happily ever after. 

I thought I had met someone who I really liked and who really liked me. It went well. Until someone or something happened that intervened and ballsed it up. Unlike Jane, I am a little less willing to go back to someone if they can't even be honest with themselves and decide what they want. I wouldn't discount it though. Who knows...

It's scary how people seem to feel the need to intervene in other people's lives. I find it really funny how if someone can see another person happy they have to try and wreck it. It's as though people are jealous, disgruntled that they don't have that. It's really funny. Anyway I have discovered, assuming I did not get the wrong impression, that this is what has recently happened to me. In some respects I am pleased it's not worked out. It's obviously given me a clear indication of what this person is like. If they are unable to follow what they feel in order to please those around them, then frankly, I think I am better off. Why do we do it though? Why do we follow opinion rather than feelings? Of course, our friends, family, colleagues- whoever- could supply us with something really valued that could benefit us in such a big way. However, the advice we hear isn't always true to us at the time or it could be so far removed from what you are thinking or wanting to do it seems ridiculous. What is ridiculous to me is that a few words from certain people manages to destroy a pretty amazing set up that had potential to be great. Again, this confirms to me it must be the best thing to do. After all with friends like that, who needs enemies! We are supposed to be supportive of our friends even if we don't necessarily agree with their choices. Trust me, I am doing that now for someone and it sucks but, as long as they're happy, I'm happy.

In the future, maybe those of us who have followed advice blindly, ignoring our instincts, will realise all the opportunities we've lost and all the chances we had. It's a shame but it's a lesson. Some people need to realise their loss before they can start to gain. I certainly have and I wouldn't begrudge anyone that experience. I just hope that each and every one of you is able to remember that how you feel should be the first thing you worry about. If being with someone who your friends aren't keen on is making you happy- then go for it, if you want to dye your hair green and tattoo your scalp-go for it. Just do what makes you happy, stop being afraid and start living.

If you want to be treated like an adult, it's about time you acted like one.

Hannah xox

(On posting this blog I was informed that I was wrong. My situation is nothing similar and no one has intervened. I am a LIAR haha. You stay classy San Diego.)