Day 173.

Everything was renewed. It was all another fresh start for everyone. Another year, another month, another day. We count down the minutes until the new year comes. We count down the days until Christmas. We count down the weeks until our holidays. We count down the months until our birthdays. 

All we are ever doing is counting down.

*

New Years Eve was wonderful. I was surrounded by wonderful people. Just wonderful. It was simple but it was perfection. I wanted everyone close to me. I wanted those I care about to be near by and all, apart from my family and a select few others, were.

For the first time in my life I did something brave. Not heroic in any sense but, for me, brave. I went to the cinema alone. I have never done it before and, although, it may seem like a strange thing to be pleased about, I am ever so proud of myself. Being someone who is of a nervous disposition, awkward, shy at times, it was a challenge for me. I have only just managed to walk in to a bar on my own rather than panicking that no one was there. I sat, alone, and had one of the greatest times. Not only was a watching a rather beautiful film, I was also alone. All by myself (there's a song there somewhere). I had plucked up enough courage to walk in, buy a ticket and sit alone amongst groups of teenagers and couples. I thought I'd feel uncomfortable, as though people were watching me. 'Look at her, the poor thing. Maybe she's been stood up.' I didn't feel the glare of people's eyes. I didn't feel judged by the girl at the till. I was perfectly content being alone. 

The film, I must say, was marvelous and you should definitely see it. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. As I described to a friend, it was funny, beautiful and captivating. I knew it was the kind of thing I needed to see. It was my kind of film. As much as I enjoy my kids films, my comedies, I really am a plain, old, 'give me inspiration film bitch' kind of girl. I like the films that leave me with something to aim for. Something to be passionate about. Reawaken something inside me that dwindles now and then. This was the perfect film for the new year. It was my first 2014 wake up call.

Ultimately, it's about how a man started living rather than going along with his life as it was. He knew he needed to do something and now he had a reason to. It made me think, as most things do. My brain is a sponge for inspiration. I find inspiration in most elements of life. I like it that way. It made me think about my life. It made me worry that I could be like him (assuming the sex change goes well). It made me worry that I could be like him and end up alone, in a job without having actually lived. It's time for me to change my future again.

University was the beginning and now I need to continue it. I need to keep playing out all the different scenarios, work out what it is I actually want. I did have some form of epiphany the other day but perhaps not worth mentioning here if I'm honest. It is something for me to mull over, however. There were a few things I decided. I worked out. Finally.

I need to live. I need to live more. The rut is becomingly increasingly harder to get out of and I need to make changes and decisions that, although I will be scared, will improve my life beyond my wildest dreams. I've seen others do it and now it's my turn. I am getting too old for this crap. I need to make my life now.

I hope with the new year you are inspired. Inspired to change, inspired to grow, to love, to look, to listen. Inspired to live. I certainly am.

What I have discovered this year so far:

• I don't appreciate my toast being buttered for me,
• I want to work harder on my blog,
• I need to live more,
• I need to love more,
• I need to stop being afraid.

Hannah xox