Day 222.

There are lessons to be learned everyday. Don't send 'naughty' photos of yourself to people. (This is not something I have done by the way).

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You know when you find something out that you shouldn't have done and your heart literally pounds as though it's about to burst through your chest, you can't breathe and you start to feel sick. Yeah that. Usually, that kind of 'excitement' gives me an episode which, no doubt, is soon to happen. My head is really hot and I can feel my pulse raging through me. It's horrible. I feel disgusted.

I have found out something. Something I am not going to tell anyone. Not one person will ever know this so for the sake of having an argument...don't ask me. However, I found something out. Something I never thought would occur from this person. The person I never thought could do something like this. I've found out that this person is the biggest hypocrite known to man and shall no longer be trusted or believed. That is so sad. Someone I thought I knew has surpassed all my lowest expectations and has revealed their true colours entirely.

It's upsetting me so much more because of the implications of it all. I remember when I became single people were quick to jump to conclusions about me and certain people I was apparently 'seeing'. All of it was nonsense and they had nothing to back it up with. It also materialised whilst I was still with my ex that people were making up lies about me sleeping with someone else. Something that repulsed me. How could people even begin to make that kind of stuff up, I'll never know. I found something out that put all of this stuff in to absolutely minute importance. I look back at the things I've done/apparently done, since I was single and see this and feel sick. 

Now, it's not really my place to say anything. Hence why I won't but I never thought this was even possible. If this was to ever materialise in to anything further (although it's pretty serious now) I don't think I could continue seeing them. It wouldn't upset me losing this person from my life. No big loss at all really, thinking about it but it would be a shame. It would be a shame after everything this person has said to me. All the bull they've come out with over and over again. I would be devastated if this didn't end. If this was to air and everyone was aware, a certain smelly substance would definitely hit the fan and more than one life would be ruined. Heartbreak wouldn't even cover it.

I needed to write this down to get it out of my system before I'm exposed to human beings again (I've been home alone today). I needed to vent a little of it, without being direct and obvious. I just needed to get it out now. I'm upset, I really am. I'm disappointed, I'm hurt, I'm embarrassed. This time calls for Hannah to put on a brave face and hope that it's all in the past. That this ridiculous and excruciatingly nasty situation stops. 

Sorry it's been an odd one.

Hannah xox